How To Handle Sentimental Clutter & Emotional Clutter

Sentimental clutter (or emotional clutter) is one of the greatest reasons for clutter-overwhelm. When I break down the various reasons we tend to have clutter they all tend to funnel into 3 categories: fear, weakness, and emotion. The truth is, all of these things boil down to a state of thought.

People who hold onto belongings out of fear are typically telling themselves that they may need or use their clutter “someday”. “Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it.”

It’s all based on an overwhelming apprehension that leads to over-preparation. Nobody really needs all of that stuff. Logic would tell the person that they are more than capable of getting something they need if the occasion called for it.

Weakness boils down to the unwillingness to stand up to someone (even if that someone is yourself). This could be laziness or lack of intention or it could be a difficulty with setting boundaries for other people and their clutter. Either way, there’s a thought pattern of not being able to do what needs to be done.

Now both of these (fear and weakness) are solid reasons for clutter. But neither of them is quite as powerful as sentiment or emotional clutter. That’s because our brain feels like it has a REALLY good reason to rationalize things that hold emotional meaning to us. The more ‘rational’ the rationalizations, the easier it is to fall into that resistance and accept even the most miserable situations.

If Everything Is Sentimental, Nothing Is Sentimental.

This is something that I explain to my children when it is time to make decisions on what goes into their memory boxes. The box has limited space which is a good thing because it teaches them the importance of making decisions.

When you place a lot of unnecessary emotions into random things it really takes away from the perceived value in other things that may truly be worth holding onto. You should be selective about what things you allow to have a piece of your emotions. Remember, it’s not the ‘stuff’ that really holds meaning it’s the memory we associate with it.

It’s all perceived value. However, if you can find a way to hold onto that memory without the physical object it can make the process of letting go sting a little less. Consider keeping a small piece of the item rather than the whole thing or just allow yourself to transfer that emotional sentiment into a photo or video of the belonging.

A Pennsylvania State University study found that people prompted to take photos of their sentimental clutter and then donate it were more like to do so than people not prompted. Again, it’s all perceived value, so it all comes down to making yourself mentally comfortable with a compromise.

Release The Negative Emotional Clutter.

Sometimes we just have to let go. We’re emotional beings- it’s tied into our chemistry and that can lead us to cling to items out of guilt or pain. We hold onto remnants of past relationships or belongings of those who left us as if the pain these items bring us helps the situation in some way. It doesn’t.

If you’re decluttering after a death there may be other factors to consider and you can read more about that right here. That’s obviously a special type of circumstance that deserves more finesse and time.

The same goes for sentimental clutter that’s based on guilt. Sure, if someone gives you a gift you want to be grateful and accept it with grace. That doesn’t mean that you have to hold onto the gift for any period of time. There’s no hard and fast rule of etiquette for holding onto a gift. The sentiment was passed to you as a gesture of love and you should feel at ease appreciating that sentiment while donating the object.

What About Handmade Things From Your Kids?

Having little ones who want to shower you with things to show you how much you mean to them is really a beautiful thing. But sometimes you may get this feeling of “where the heck am I supposed to put all of this stuff?” A lot depends on the age of the child and how frequently they are giving you things but let’s make sure to have a little perspective.

If your toddler is giving you fresh scribbles every day you don’t have to keep all of these things! The toddler will forget about it when they leave the room and the preschooler can hang in on their corkboard until a new piece comes along. Don’t allow mounds of papers to suddenly become your responsibility. The key here is to have a system down (you can see what ideas I share about storing kid art without cluttering the fridge).

If your kid spends a lot of time making you a special handmade gift and it really has some meaning to them then you definitely have options of different ways to hold onto it. First of all, there’s nothing wrong with displaying some really cool creations from your kids. You should feel guilty for holding onto a gift that you really want to hold onto- that’s not what this is about.

I have mentioned our memory boxes and kids’ cards before in my article How to Handle Paper When Decluttering, and that has honestly been the best solution I’ve found for paper sentimental items. In my home, my daughters each have their own memory box and they choose their own artwork pieces that they want to keep. That way they’re getting the final say and I never have to be the bad guy.

What About Other People’s Sentimental Items?

Your kid’s sentimental clutter.

A few years back my youngest daughter, Gracie, had a purple jacket. Now, she’s a small girl so she gets cold really easily and will wear a jacket from Fall straight through Spring. She played in it, slept in it, and basically lived in the thing. But this purple jacket eventually started to look super dingy–it looked more brown than purple.

I tried and tried to get her to ditch the jacket and let me replace it with something else but she wasn’t having it. Every time we would go to the store I made a point to walk by the jacket aisle and gush about how cute some jacket would look on her. But, eventually, I had to let it go. Summer came and she stopped wearing the jacket, plus she was growing, so I was able to finally get rid of it!

Your spouse or partner’s sentimental clutter.

There have been items of Matt’s (my partner) that I have tried to get rid of so hard! He’s had this pillow since childhood that used to be some version of white but is now brown and dingy. He also insists that maintain the same red flannel pillowcase. Yeah. This thing lives on my bed and is not going anywhere. I’ve learned to just accept it and work around it to give my bed a nice appearance (i.e. I bury it beneath other pillows).

I tell you this to say, don’t sweat the small stuff. When you’re getting your home streamlined and decluttered keep your eye on the ball. Think big picture. If there’s a security blanket item that your kid (or your partner) doesn’t want to let go of just leave it.

Give yourself and those you love some grace while you’re working your way toward a clutter-free home but don’t give up either. You can control your own thoughts and make intentional decisions about your own belongings that don’t completely revolve around your emotions.

I would love to make this post a two-way conversation so leave a comment below! Never give up on becoming the best version of yourself because you deserve amazing peace and clarity. Thanks for reading and I’ll catch you next time.