How To Get Your Partner On Board With Minimalism

I have posts that I share on social media inviting people to the free masterclass that I offer.

And of the many invitations I put out there, the one with the MOST comments has a thread (initiated by a viewer) dedicated to the hardships of not having a partner on board with minimalism or tending to the home, in general.

People really resonated with that issue, and I’m not surprised.

Over the years, one of the most frequently asked questions is, “how do I get my partner on board with minimalism?” It’s asked in several different ways, and even doing research for this article, the search results look like this:

If you can relate to any of these, you’re not alone. I have another post on the ‘Social Effects of Clutter‘ that helps dive into how this particular issue adds friction to various relationships and why that’s the case.

But today, I want to focus on solutions or, at least, ways to move forward with your clutter-free endeavors as amicably as possible.

Now, I use the word “minimalism” because that is specifically something I get asked about- “how to get your partner on board with minimalism”.

But even if you’re looking for a slightly less cluttered space in a slightly disagreeable household, I think these methods will help!

#1. Be The Change

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “be the change,” which applies here.

People generally don’t know what they want until they know what they want. The status quo will always be easier than something you’re not used to, and honestly, a lifestyle of living with less may be completely off the radar for your significant other.

But think of it like french fries. Have you ever ordered fries and asked if anyone wanted any, and they said, “Nah, I’m good,” but as soon as you get yours, everyone’s trying to grab a few?

They didn’t know they wanted it until it was right in front of them, and they could see and smell the fries.

We live in a world of social proof- we want to see someone else do it first. Think of Amazon; we don’t buy things with no reviews or low ratings.

The best thing you can do to get your partner on board with minimalism or any level of space decluttering is to show them. This is especially true when it comes to letting go of belongings.

The endowment effect makes us place a higher value on things we own

Tons of research has been done on something called ‘the endowment effect‘, which states that we place more value on things that we own just because we own them. Keep that in mind when talking to your partner about downsizing their stuff.

The most popular study on this was done at the University of Chicago. Only half the students in an auditorium class were given a red university mug.

Then, every student in the class was surveyed. Those who received the mug were asked how much they would be willing to sell it for, and the students who didn’t receive it were asked how much they would be willing to spend to get one.

Now, you might think (like I initially did) that the students without the mug would offer up more money due to FOMO- not wanting to miss out on what the other students had.

But, in actuality, the students with the mug, on average, placed the value at nearly double the price at $4.50 to the $2.50 of the non-mug receiving students.

This ‘endowment effect’ shows how attached we are to our belongings for no real reason or logic. This is important because you likely will see some belongings of your partners that seem utter trash to you, but to them, these things might hold some intrinsic value.

It’s all about social proof!

If minimalism has never been on their radar, they likely won’t have the impulse to ditch their belongings immediately.

That’s understandable. They may also have misconceptions about what minimalism even is.

You can force them to listen to your pros and cons or make them watch a documentary with you, but you can’t force change on other people.

Your best bet is to be the example – and make it a positive experience, not a negative nagging one.

#2. Avoid Friction During The Process

This brings me to the second way of getting your partner on board with minimalism or decluttering: avoiding friction.

Being a solid example of what a spacious and breathable home can look like doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll come to agree with you.

But the chances of at least finding commonality are greater if their interactions with you around the subject of belongings aren’t negative.

That means sticking to decluttering your areas and never throwing their stuff out without permission. You don’t want to betray their trust like that. 

It also means avoiding frustration and passive-aggressive remarks. “wow, it sure is easy to reach my clothes since MY side of the closet is so decluttered.”

After you’ve decluttered some of your belongings, you could do something special with their stuff as a pleasant surprise. Maybe you declutter your bookshelf and display their books in a way that makes things easier.

Just be sure you’re not making any changes that wouldn’t be appreciated.

This is a nice way for you both to share in the newly decluttered space with a byproduct of showcasing the benefits of less clutter.

#3. Find A Shared Vision (These Are Powerful)

The best kind of vision is a shared one. If you love yoga and coffee, you may share a vision of removing clutter to create a coffee station or yoga space.

If you both work from home, you might get excited about creating a new office space out of the clutter dump room. Shared visions help get everyone on the same page, even if your partner isn’t minimalist.

Feel free to take this one as deep as you can. The more personal and heart-centered your vision, the better. 

Maybe you both wish you were spending more time with the kids. Your shared vision of decluttering your dining room could be to make family dinners a priority.

That’s something personal and deeper than just wanting a “clean table”. Developing a strong vision is something I talk more about in this post, ‘Getting Started With Minimalism’.

#4. Stay Benefits-Focused

If the clutter in your home is a source of frustration, arguments, and lost time and energy (which it is for a lot of people), your partner may not be directly aware of that.

We often expect other people to know our reasons behind things. In our minds, our reasons seem obvious. But sharing these reasons can make a huge difference.

Share how the clutter impacts you and what you’re trying to accomplish. Be open about the deeper impacts of the clutter on you and what you need from your space.

Most loving partners will be responsive to an honest conversation, which can be a good starting point for compromise.

When doing this, try to be benefits-focused and not just features-focused. A feature would be having a pretty space or a sleek office. A benefit would be improved focus and mental clarity.

So, next time, explain why it matters instead of yelling about the useless junk you want to get rid of.

#5. Compromise Is Your Friend🤗

Look, your partner may never have a shared interest in going clutter-free. It may be that they deeply identify with having a lot of stuff for various reasons.

If it’s an actual hoarding issue, that’s one thing. But in most cases, it’s just a difference in outlook and values. They don’t see clutter the same way you do. In that case, there is always a compromise.

Both of you can lay out your ground rules. Consider playing some zone defense where the clutter is at least limited to certain zones.

You may also need to compromise about the kids, especially if your partner is a big gift-giver. Maybe a 1 in 1 out rule is enough to keep the waters smooth.

The important thing to understand is that their lifestyle choices regarding clutter don’t have to affect how they handle their belongings and spaces—

compromise and open communication help to keep one person’s preferences from overshadowing another’s. Good luck!

Have you tried any of these already? I would love to know how it worked out for you in the comments!